Broken....

I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am that I was able to spend a week of my summer at Go Tell Camp in Tocca Falls GA. It was a week that I will not soon forget, and that I praise God for!

Over the weeks leading up to camp I began to pray about what God would teach me, and I prayed that God would open up my heart and speak to me. I wasn't sure what God was wanting to do in my life while I was at camp, but I wanted my heart to be open and ready to Him.

On Tuesday night I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. I couldn't put my finger on the feeling. I was tearful, and almost without words for the rest of the evening(after our church share time). I wanted so badly to understand what I was feeling in my heart, but just couldn't figure it out. I didn't have much to say that night in my room, and all I could think of was to pray and ask God to help me understand. I had talked with my mom and Ethan earlier that night and started to tell them about how I felt broken over all that had happened to Chad and Amber and how I didn't think that I had let myself feel truly broken before God up until this point. Well, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that God wanted me to be broken before Him. God wanted me to come before Him broken and in need of some fixing.

I have been so hurt over all that Chad and Amber have been dealing with. I can't tell you how many tears I have cried, and how many times I have asked why.As God began to teach me more about His glory and His power, I started to realize that I should be asking why not.God will be glorified through all of this!! I cling to His promise that all things work together for good to those who love Him!

I can honesly say that I have let myself feel the pain, but I don't think that that is what God wanted me to do in order for Him to heal my hurts. I believe that God wanted me to allow myself to feel all of the pain in a whole to way. In the way of brokenness. Not just tears, but in true humility allowing myself to come before with nothing left to offer. Allowing myself to realize that there was nothing I could do to make the hurts go away.Allowing myself to know that it is not whitin myself, but only through the blood of Christ that all my tears, all my anger, all of my hurt, and all of my frustration can be taken away. I needed to feel broken. I think that it takes our complete brokenness, in order to be fully healed by God. I am so thankful that I am now broken, and am so thankful that I can trust God to heal my brokenness!

He will heal it, I know He will, I trust that He will, and I am resting in His healing powers!